When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!
by Nin
Summary: Ranma/Akane. A light hearted parody of lemon fanfiction. Don't worry, nothing nasty. Ranma's sneaking onto Nabiki's computer to look up something that he doesn't want anyone to find out...


When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!  
  
by  
  
Nin Tendo  
  
~ Disclaimer ~ I don't own Ranma 1/2, but I do own parts of my parent's house! [eh heh heh heh...I wrote this fic to thank Nabiki for introducing me to the word 'interest':)]  
  
UPDATE: The "Adam's apple" crisis has been acknowledged. I'm still not sure if girls have them or not, but I decided to change it just in case. Let's hope the new sentence works. lol  
  
WARNING! This fic contains background LEMON, but I halt the scene before they even KISS, much less do something nasty, so I suppose this fic is okay to read by pretty much anyone. If you're okay with Ranma staring at Akane's rear end, then read on, faithful readers!  
  
(giggle My poor, poor, AuthorAlert friends...don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds! ...You better not bring this up at school T-2000!!! ;p)  
  
  
Ranma took a sip of lemonade, then looked both ways before accessing a certain web page on Nabiki's new computer. The old one had broken down before he had gotten a chance to check it out.  
  
He wasn't scared that Nabiki would find him on her computer (she had probably used the money that she had extorted from him to buy it, anyway). No, he was scared that she would see the...theme of the page he was browsing, then extort MORE of his money by blackmailing him. The problem was, he didn't HAVE any more cash, beace she had ALREADY extorted it from him. If she saw what was on the moniter, and if she found out that he didn't have any cash, she might tell Akane.  
  
Ranma got nervous just at the thought. Who KNEW what Akane would do if she found out? She was completely unpredictable, which mirrored one of Genma's teachings: 'Women: Just when you think you've figured them out, they go and prove you wrong'. It had been one of those moments when he had actually been RIGHT.  
  
He took another sip of the lemonade as the page started to load. It was a pretty hot day, and Ranma had found the jug of lemonade in the fridge after his morning workout. Thank God for Kasumi.  
  
After an agonizing wait, the page was finally done loading. Ranma sighed as he read the title.  
  
::R U in Love? -A Guy's Guide To Girls::  
  
Finally, after two years of agony, Ranma was going to find out, once and for all, if he was really, truely, in love with Akane. Thank God for the Internet.  
  
He took a deep breath, then scrolled down the page. It was full of statements like: 'If you are attracted to your teacher, click HERE'. He was halfway down the page before he reached one that jumped out at him.  
  
'If you are constantly thinking about a girl that you are constantly fighting with, click HERE.'  
  
It was like the guy had read his mind. Ranma swallowed, took another deep breath, then clicked. He stared at the text that followed. Who knew that three sentences could change a person's life...?  
  
'Have you watched television lately? The writers LOVE your situation. You've fallen so hard, I pity you, Man'.  
  
'Damn...' Ranma thought, in awe.  
  
He stared at the words so long, they were burned into his memory forever. After a couple minutes, he remembered the words 'Nabiki' and 'blackmail'. He exitedthe page in a hurry, then stared at the computer background.  
  
How the HELL was he going to explain this to Akane?  
  
He down some more of the lemonade, wishing it was alchohalic.  
  
Suddenly, Nabiki's door burst open, and Akabe rushed in, shouting, "Excuse me, Ranma, but I REALLY need to use the computer!" She didn't wait for him to respond. Instead, she just squeezed in front of him and leaned toward the moniter.  
  
Giving Ranma an eyefull of her ass.  
  
His entire body went stiff, and his thoughts alternated between, 'I LOVE her?', 'Those shorts are really...short', and, 'God, she's got a great ass'.  
  
Akane stood up, raised her fists in the air, and shouted, "YES!"  
  
Admiring the new view, Ranma asked, "'Yes', what?"  
  
Akane turned around with a big smile, took his glass of lemonade, and downed the rest of the contents. Ranma's eyes followed the bulges traveling down her throat with each gulp. She wiped her lips, exhailed, and said, "I won the bet!"  
  
"'Bet'?" Ranma asked, as his eyes slowly scanned her from bottom to top.  
  
Taking no notice, Akane said, "I made this bet with Nabiki, and I won!"  
  
"Oh?" Ranma asked, as he stood up and leaned toward her.  
  
Still talking no notice, Akane continued. "I bet Nabiki that there would be no lemon fanfictions posted for five whole minutes, and I won!"  
  
By now, Ranma wasn't listening to a word she said. He was too busy listening to her lovely voice, and encircling her in his arms. "Yeah?" he breathed into her ear.  
  
STILL talking no notice, Akane said, "Well, I haven't exactly won YET. I'll lose if the next one posted stars you and me, but I really doubt that. Don't you, Ran--"  
  
=============================================================================  
  
Nabiki pressed her ear against her bedroom door, then smirked. She was about to strike it rich.  
  
Sure, she had won that little bet with Akane, but who said that she couldn't rake in a little MORE cash?  
  
Ranma hadn't checked to see if the video camera was recording or not.  
  
She hummed all the way to the kitchen, then poured the rest of the lemonade down the sink.  
  
Thank God for passion spice.  
  
That'll teach Ranma to stay off her computer.  
  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
1. BWAhahahahahaha...  
  
2. Basically, this fic was meant to poke fun at all the lemon fics out there, all the way from OOC-ness to the cliche 'passion spice'. Yes, I know that I have a warped, hypocritical sense of humor. I did the EXACT same thing when I poked fun at yaoi in Gundam Wing (Instinct 2, if you want to check it out).  
  
3. This fic was not meant to offend anyone, or hurt the lemon-writers's feelings. I merely wanted everyone to read it, laugh, point at the computer screen, and shout, "It's so true!"  
  
4. But, if you want to flame me anyway, no one can stop you! Go right ahead! God knows that I deserve it! n_n 


End file.
